Things you can’t say in Silicon Valley (non-political version)

The other day, I saw a post titled “Things you can’t say in Silicon Valley” (link omitted). I was looking forward to one of those “it’s funny because it’s true” critiques of the groupthink in the tech industry. Instead it was something…very different.

So, I wrote the list I was expecting. Enjoy!

Things you can’t say in Silicon Valley:

• “I’m in my 30s”
• “I’m leaving at 5:00”
• “Let’s take a look at how people solved this problem in the past”
• “The beer bash sounds cool, but I don’t drink”
• “Let’s focus on the business solution, rather than obsessing around the tech behind it”
• “The beer bash sounds cool, but I’d rather spend time with my kids”
• “What happened over the last 2 weeks? I was on vacation and wasn’t online”
• “The beer bash does not sound cool”
• “Maybe blockchain isn’t the best way to do this”
• “Sure, we could record and analyze that. But wouldn’t people find it creepy?”
• “Mission statement? No, I took this job because I have bills to pay”
• “Let’s get better at our core competency before expanding”
• “Are we over-complicating something straightforward?”
• “Getting funding doesn’t mean you’re a genius”
• “Yeah, it’ll monetize. But does it actually help anyone?”
• “This feature might annoy people”
• “We don’t need a mobile version, it’s literally the same thing they see on the website”
• “The equity you’re offering me is overvalued; I’d rather take cash”
• “If we send a newsletter every other day, people might flag us as spam”
• “There’s a personal touch that would be lost if we try to scale too fast”
• “What about user privacy?”
• “That’s not a real job title”
• “Rather than spending all our energy on getting new users, let’s keep the users we have happy”
• “Apple did that design. Let’s try something different.”

Any other good ones along these lines?